Caught between what I want and what if. My mind stays twisted as you enter in and out filling up my soul leaving me without a doubt that I want something with you but you leave out the blue like a full moon only to return when God knows when. Then there's him who remains a constant and is perfect in every way. The person that makes my day turns even the slightest gray into colorful rays of sunshine and beauty. I love you but is it love truly if I cant wait? Having second thoughts about the man before that gave me a place to recover from the depths of my pain. The what if is nothing but a place holder, holding together my heart in case it breaks, knowing he will be there to catch me when I fall but I've already fallen so hard and fast for the love who gets me. Letting go of the what if means letting go of safety. If the man I fall for falls through that what if will turn into a what is. But what is right now may never be with the man of my dreams. Like a scene out of a movie there is twists and turns. Every decision made has the equal opportunity to get burned but I cant get hurt again so I keep my what if man. What I want, will it ever want me? Only needing safety because he is crazy and unpredictable. Our conversations so deep yet so cynical. Making me fall deeper with every word he says and his sweet talks swirl in my head making me lay in bed thinking about him in a way only I can dream because in my head he is a king but in his head am I just a thing to be around? No feelings attached like a fallen leaf on the ground? What if I fell too hard too fast, what now? Oh yeah
..... my what if is still around...