Today was much better.
I walked to the library at 9:30 at night and I distinctly felt peace, calm, and joy.
The air was just cool enough for my body to feel comfortable but for my face to chill and blush.
I walked through King Quad and I saw no one, I just absorbed the gentle hush.
Different colored lights illuminated the world around me: a glowing blue from the door of one
building, a vivid orange from another.
The streetlamps shone on the trees and made patterns on their trunks.
I imagined what it would be like to lie with someone under those trees, how it would feel to stay
in that cool stillness with the warmth of a hand on my cheek and my waist,
But I stopped.
And I realized, slowly yet suddenly, that I was satisfied.
I was happy to be alive.
Happy to be in that moment, just by myself and for myself.
I want to love, but nights like this remind me I can first love myself.
And love the cool air, the chill stillness, the calm structure of the trees, and the colors dappled
around the lawn,
Just for me.