The ground rumbles with the weight of the train, plowing over the tracks. Its horn sounds in the distance, but Brother isn't really paying attention to any of it. His leg fidgets as he glances down at his phone once again. He's lost track of how many times he's looked down at the device to check for new calls, messages, or the passing of time. He's been driving for almost two hours, and he would've made it if it weren't for the train that seems to go on forever. He doesn't have time to waste.
When he got the call, he was at practice, and he didn't even stop by his dorm long enough to change out of his sweaty clothes. It’s his second semester at a university, and he used to think it was reasonably far from his family. Though, at the moment, he regrets not attending the community college in their hometown like his mom wanted. If he were attending that school, he could have easily made it to the hospital in good time. He can't change anything now, and his sister is running out of time.
He thinks back to when everything started to go wrong. He thinks back to before he got the two calls that made everything even worse.
He was in ninth grade and his sister, Tomorrow, was in second grade when their dad left. They always had a relatively close relationship, despite their age difference, but the feeling of abandonment brought them closer. Being so young, Tomorrow only had a few memories of their dad being at home. She remembered a few happy Christmas mornings. Their parents would wake them up early to go see what they had under the tree. She remembered her dad teaching her how to ride a bike. The handles had sparkly streamers that she loved to watch blow in the wind. She could always tell when her dad was going to let her go, because the streamers would move more frantically. She remembered bits and pieces of their mom and dad arguing. She never really knew what they were arguing about. Tomorrow started to see him less and less after that, until one day he didn’t return. Whenever she’d ask their mom about him and when he was coming back, it would end with them both upset. Their mom hated any mention of their dad, but she especially hated that her children had to suffer through missing a man that wasn’t worth it. She hated that, while knowing what happened between them, even she missed him.
Brother was older and could remember more of the time they spent together. He remembered how proud he and his dad used to be to share the same name. That was before his dad left and before ‘Brother’ became his sole nickname. It was the name that reminded them all of the man the least. He remembered when Tomorrow was born. He thought Tomorrow would take his parents away from him, but they didn’t let that happen. They were good at balancing the time between the two kids, and his dad would even take him to do something fun when their mom was settled with the baby. He remembered his dad boasting about his artistic talents to his
friends. He would encourage him to keep up with it, because he wanted his son’s artwork tattooed on him one day. Brother promised to never stop drawing.
He remembered so many things, never remembering a time when he thought there wouldn’t be a tomorrow with his dad. This was true, even when he remembered the last thing his dad said to him.
His dad was supposed to come pick him up to hang out. His mom was finally going to let him see his dad. He couldn’t wait to go and expressed his excitement over the phone. His dad mentioned some of the things he had planned for them to do, but he had to finish up at work first.
“Alright, my son. I’ll see you tomorrow,” his dad said. The next day, he watched as hours passed on the clock. He tried to call him and got no answer. His dad wasn’t coming.
That night, as he tried to stop himself from crying into his pillow, he overheard his mom arguing with someone over the phone. He thought he heard his name, so he got up and moved closer to the wall to hear. Her voice got softer and she sounded pained.
“Please...just, come back,” she struggled to get out. It sounded like she was crying. “Come back and do better,” she begged.
There was a pause, “We don’t care about money! We want you,” she yelled again. There was another pause. “I just want to keep my kids safe-” she was interrupted.
“Yes. My kids!” she said matter-of-factly. “And if you refuse to think about them and continue making bad choices...don’t come back. Leave us alone.” The last bit was spoken hesitantly. That was the last thing Brother heard before he went to lie back down.
For Brother and Tomorrow, school was sometimes an escape of sorts. Though, at the beginning of each year, Tomorrow was often teased for her name. Her brother always told her something similar.
“They’re just jealous, because their names are boring,” he snuck a glance at her, “Their names are so yesterday,” he joked, copying the voice of a valley girl. That made her laugh.
She leaned back “One day I’ll be famous and my name will be everywhere and they’ll have to like it,” she looked at him with big eyes.
“It doesn’t matter if they like it,” he frowned. “But you’re right. They’ll be begging for your autograph and your art. And your name will be right there in the corner of it,” he chuckled.
Tomorrow had started to draw pictures a lot. She admired her older brother's drawings and wanted to do it too. He even promised her that they would make art together in the future. He looked down at the binder on her lap that had a family picture pushed behind the plastic. Mom, Tomorrow, and Brother were labeled over their drawn figures respectively.
“Except the ones we make together. Those have to have both of our names! And you still have to draw a picture of me,” she reminded.
“Yeah. I'm gonna sign it ‘Brother’. Or maybe ‘Tomorrow's Brother’. Then, I can name the picture ‘Brother's Tomorrow’,” he laughed, clapping his hands at his play on words.
Tomorrow laughed fondly, “Stop being a weirdo!”
The pair continued to be close for a while. When he got a job at sixteen, he bought his first car with his saved money and his mom’s help. Brother would drop Tomorrow off at school and pick her up every day. They would draw together, both of them improving in the craft. Then, towards the end of eleventh grade, he stopped. There was a shift in his behavior.
In that time, Brother and their mom seemed to grow apart too. They would argue regularly about him staying out too late and too often. The arguing reminded Tomorrow of the fuzzy memories she had of her parents arguing. She didn’t like it. She was afraid it meant her brother was going to leave too.
One day when their mom convinced Brother to babysit her, Tomorrow overheard him talking to a friend. Brother was lying across the couch on the phone while the television played in the background. Before Tomorrow turned the corner, she heard Brother groan.
“Man, she wants me to be and do whatever she wants. She’s always tryna control everything! I can’t wait to get out of here.”
Tomorrow gasped, careful to remain unnoticed. Her eyes began to sting and her throat closed up. She hurried back to her room to cry. She couldn’t believe he would leave without thinking of her.
Once she calmed down, she came back. Brother was just watching a movie. She didn’t know how to ask, so she just came out with it. “Are you going to leave like he did?”
Brother jumped, not noticing her come in. Then he registered her words and the way her eyes looked like she just cried, “What? Why are you asking me that?” He frowned.
“You just said it on the phone. That you can’t wait to leave. You’re going to leave just like he did. You’re going to leave me,” she couldn’t hold back the tears that started to fall again. Brother’s heart instantly fell. He was compared to a man that didn’t care enough to stay. Not only that, but the person he cared for most was comparing him to that. His sister was hurt because of him.
“I’m not leaving you. I’d never leave you,” he gathered her for a hug.
She tried to pull away, “But-”
“No. I want to leave this place, not you.” He explained. He saw her trying to process how that was different. “I’ll call, I’ll come visit, and all that. I mean, I have to go to college, right? You want me to stay here forever?” he tried to get her to smile.
She knew what he was doing and she frowned, “Yes,” she huffed. She tossed her head back down on his chest, sighing in momentary relief.
He patted her head and sighed.
Brother started to try again. He tried to be as involved as he used to. He even considered going to the community college, but he was tired and he wanted a break. He didn’t want that responsibility at his age, so he left. He left so he could be more than a hurt son and broken brother trying to fit the role of a father.
His family wasn’t happy with his choice, but they were okay because he promised to call and visit. He kept the promise the first few months. His sister would get excited every time he showed a new art project he’d be working on. She would always remind him that he still hadn’t drawn her. Being in middle school now, she wanted to impress the kids at school.
“I will one of these days. I’m busy today, maybe tomorrow?”
Tomorrow would sigh but still smile, because she looked forward to it. “You gotta promise me. I’ve been waiting forever!” She laughed.
“I promise,” he chuckled.
Brother started to visit and call home, less and less. If he wasn’t busy with school work or practice, he was hanging out with friends and making his first year memorable. His phone piled up with texts from Tomorrow, ones he never made time to respond to. Many of his calls with his mom ended in arguments. He started to avoid the calls as much as he could.
“Your mom is calling,” his roommate announced, pausing their video game.
“She doesn’t want anything. Probably just wants to argue. I’ll call her later,” Brother pressed play.
“Y’all have to make up some time,” he said.
Brother sighed, “I could do that any time. It doesn’t have to be now.”
“You could die today, and then what?”
Brother laughed, “Then I wouldn’t have to. Dying doesn’t sound too bad.” His roommate shook his head with a small chuckle, “Whatever you say, man.”
He conveniently forgot to call his mom back that night and forgot about her until she was calling him the next day. He was out with his girlfriend, who made him answer.
His mom called to tell him his sister was sick.
"Okay?” he rolled his eyes. “Is she taking medicine? Mom, I don't have time to-"
"No," his mom's voice sounded weird. He knew that sound, remembered specific times he’d heard it. It sounded like she was crying but trying not to. She cleared her throat.
"Not that kind of sick. " His heart immediately dropped, because he knew that didn’t mean anything good. That was the first call that made everything worse.
He tried to call and visit home more often, after that. Whenever he could, he took his sister to her doctor’s appointments. With each visit, his sister started to look different. She went to school as much as she could, but it was taking a lot of the little energy she had. The news they were met with at each appointment was rarely good, despite the treatment she was enduring.
One day, when Brother and Tomorrow were leaving the hospital, she said something that broke him a little bit more.
“I don’t want to take the medicine anymore,” he looked at her as she spoke, then back at the road, “the treatment. If it’s not helping, I don’t want it.”
She was looking out the window, up at the dark clouds. There was a bit of sun that burst through them and she had been focusing on it.
She turned to look at him for a response. He tried not to appear as devastated as he felt. He chanced another glance at her, and she seemed confident with her decision. He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He nodded slightly, letting her know that he heard her. That seemed to be enough and she turned back to the window. For the rest of the ride, he fought tears. He could cry later.
A month later, Brother was at home with his family when Tomorrow repeated what she said to him that day in the car. Their mom froze where she was making lasagna.
“Sweetie, we have to keep trying. We can’t give up,” she looked at Tomorrow, then Brother, and continued cooking.
Tomorrow looked at Brother before she spoke again, “I have tried. What’s the point if it’s not working? If I die, I don’t want to be like this,” she gestured to how sick she looked.
Brother fought his tears again, looking at the state his sister was in. He remembered how she used to be.
“Don’t say that. You’re not going to die,” their mom’s voice sounded pained again. “I feel like it. I feel it every day,” she started to get emotional too.
Brother hated to see them like that.
“The doctor said-” their mom started.
“The doctor said she wasn’t improving,” Brother interrupted, “Mom, just stop. She wants to stop hurting. Can’t you see that?”
“But if we just-”
“We can't do anything but give her what she needs. We need to support her and make her feel better in her last da-," he struggled to get out the last bit, “in the time she still has.”
Their mom seemed to give up right there, her shoulders dropped along with a few tears. After a while, she nodded. Brother was right. She wiped at a few tears that continued to fall.
“Don't cry...in the lasagna,” Tomorrow spoke, tone sincere but playful. Brother cracked a smile. Their mom couldn't help but laugh a little through her tears.
“Come here, Tomorrow,” she held open her arms and Tomorrow fell into her chest.
“I'm so sorry for not listening, baby. You don't have to go through the treatment anymore, okay?” she rubbed her back.
Tomorrow nodded, and they stood there for a while, embracing. It was like their mom was trying to embed the moment in her memory.
Brother hesitantly walked over. He met eyes with his mom and she reached out for him too. They all hugged for a moment, Brother and Mom trying not to imagine a day with no Tomorrow.
Brother startles from his thoughts at the sound of a car horn blowing. The person behind him is trying to get him to go, and the train is now gone.
He gets to the hospital, not long after that. He immediately hugs his sister, then his mom. They’ve been working on their relationship since the day Tomorrow requested to stop treatment.
In the hospital room, they try to keep the mood light, which leads to Mom and Brother not bringing up what's happening, even though you can clearly see the sadness on their faces. You can feel it rolling off of them.
Tomorrow suddenly speaks.
“I hope I don't die at night. What kind of night owl goes out like that?”
Leave it to Tomorrow to make a laugh come when you need it and least expect it.
They sit in the room and talk for hours, watching different shows come and go on the television.
Around noon the next day, Mom asks Brother to go home to get some things for her and Tomorrow. She also encourages him to shower and change his clothes. When he gets done showering, he gathers the things his mom asked for. When gets to Tomorrow's room, he sees all of the drawings she's been working on. They’re stuck on the walls in random spots using
patterned tape. Her signature sits right in the bottom corner. He smiles at that but then frowns because, she won't get to live out her dream.
Then, he thinks about the times she asked him to draw her, and his heart drops. He never actually got around to it. He always said he would another time.
He rushes to grab the rest of the stuff his mom said Tomorrow needed, then quickly looks for paper and a pencil - anything he can draw with. He rushes back to the hospital and when gets there, they're both talking and taking pictures together.
"Yay, he's back. I hope you got everything,” Tomorrow mentions, peering over with wide eyes. “Why are you looking so serious? What's wrong?” his mom asks.
“I have to draw,” is all he supplies, focused on the task.
They look confused but don't question it.
He puts down their things and gets to the small table by Tomorrow's bed and draws. He’s drawing a picture of Tomorrow.
Tomorrow squeals when she recognizes herself. “Finally!”
That makes him smile. They keep talking for a bit and watching while he draws her.
Then, Tomorrow gets quiet.
Then, Brother hears a beep, coming from one of the machines connected to Tomorrow, and his heart drops again.
He sees Tomorrow lying limp and his mom’s mouth is moving, but he can only hear the loud beep. He sees his mom start to cry and he feels his face get wet too. Things get more hectic. He struggles to get air as he watches the doctors rush in to do their jobs.
Time seems to move differently when Tomorrow’s gone.
It's hard to process what’s happening in such a short amount of time. Mom is kissing Tomorrow’s hand and crying, trying to get out of the way of Tomorrow’s nurses and doctors. Brother tries to keep it together, but he can’t help but fall apart.
They pray for Tomorrow to return, catching tears on the backs of their hands.
You have to, Brother pleads in his head.
For Tomorrow, he grabs his pencil to finish the drawing. He has to. He promised her.
So, he draws, and he tries not to get tears on it. He doesn’t think Tomorrow would like that.